Journal?

Journaling, Monsters, and the Messy Truth About Being Me

Let’s be real: journaling and I haven’t always been best mates. I have ADHD, so the idea of sitting down with a beautifully curated notebook, perfectly colour-coded pens, and neatly organised thoughts has often felt like a great idea—right up until it wasn’t. Before I know it, the pressure to “do it right” takes over, and I’m left feeling like a failure before I’ve even started. And don’t get me started on the whole “Insta-worthy” thing. What is Insta-worthy, anyway?

For ages, I believed journaling (and, to be honest, life) had to look a certain way. Like everything needed to be polished, orderly, and tied up with a neat little bow. But here’s the truth: my life isn’t like that. It’s loud, messy, and wonderfully chaotic. My self-care isn’t all lavender candles and perfectly steeped tea; it’s books, cans of fizzy, biscuits, and the occasional nap under a heap of unfolded laundry 🤣

Sometimes, I’m my own worst critic. I get snappy and impatient with myself, especially when things aren’t as “together” as I think they should be. But lately, I’ve been working on giving myself permission—permission to grab anything at hand, a random notebook, use a biro that’s running out of ink, or even just doodle with a crayon. I’ve realised that journaling (and self-care) doesn’t have to be pretty to be powerful.

Take today’s journaling page, for example. It’s messy and unapologetically me. On one side is my monster—bright red, pointy, chaotic, and just a bit terrifying. It’s the part of me that shows up when I’m overwhelmed or frustrated, the part that snaps when things don’t feel good enough. On the other side is my self-care—a soft, fluffy cloud filled with books, sweets, and random comforts. It’s not perfect either, but it’s honest.

This exercise has been a reminder that my monsters aren’t something to fight or suppress; they’re just part of me. And so are my softer, gentler bits. Life doesn’t come wrapped in a bow, and neither do I.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the idea of journaling—or life in general—let me tell you this: you don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have the right tools, the right timing, or the right anything. Just start. Grab a notebook, a scrap of paper, or the back of an old receipt and write. Draw. Scribble. Do whatever feels right.

If you’re reading this, I’d love for you to join me in this journaling challenge. Use any page, any pen, and start wherever you are—Thursday, halfway through the month, whenever. Let’s let go of the idea that we have to wait for the “right time” or the “right tools.” Just start.

What does your monster look like? How do you show it some love? You don’t have to share, but if you do, I’d love to hear about it. Let’s be messy, real, and gloriously imperfect together.

Take gentle care,
Louise x

How it works

How does it work?

Right now, life might feel like it’s falling apart. You could be feeling lost, overwhelmed, or stuck in patterns you can’t seem to break. If you’re going through one of the hardest times in your life and aren’t sure how to move forward, know that you’re not alone—you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.

As a sober counsellor who is a survivor, with lived experience of trauma and over 20 years in emergency services, I understand how tough life can be. I’m not here to tell you how to feel or what to do; I’m here to sit with you through the mess, help you make sense of what’s going on, and find a way forward that feels right for you.

Counselling with me is not about following a script or ticking boxes. It’s about creating a space where you can be yourself, share what’s on your mind, and explore what’s been weighing you down. Whether you want to talk things through or feel unsure of where to start, we’ll take it one step at a time, meeting you where you are.

HOW I CAN HELP YOU

When life feels like a constant struggle, getting through the day can feel overwhelming. We’ll work together to uncover what’s going on beneath the surface and begin to lighten the emotional load.

• Manage Emotions: If you’re feeling anxious, angry, ashamed, or completely stuck, I can help you untangle those feelings and find relief.

• Improve Relationships: Struggling with family, friends, or a partner? We can explore the patterns that keep repeating and find better ways to connect with those you care about.

• Build Self-Esteem: If you feel like you’re never good enough, we’ll work together to rebuild your confidence and help you feel more grounded in who you are.

• Find Balance in Life: Life doesn’t have to be a never-ending fight. Together, we’ll explore how to bring more balance and joy back into your days, so you can start living instead of just surviving.

WHY I’M DIFFERENT

What sets me apart is that I truly get it. I’ve faced tough times myself, and I know how important it is to feel heard and supported when everything feels out of control. While I don’t have all the answers, I’m here to listen without judgment, help you explore what’s going on, and find a way through that makes sense for you.

I offer more than just traditional talk therapy. If sitting and talking about your feelings feels too challenging, that’s okay. We can get creative—whether through art, nature, or even walking and talking. The most important thing is finding what works for you.

You don’t have to go through this alone. Together, we can make sense of the chaos and help you move toward a life that feels more manageable and fulfilling.

As an integrative counsellor, I blend person-centred therapy’s here-and-now focus with the deeper exploration of psychodynamic therapy, including inner-child work. My approach is entirely non-directive and client-led, allowing you to guide the journey at your pace.

I’m deeply committed to creating a safe, supportive, and non-judgmental environment where you can feel seen and heard. The therapeutic relationship is at the heart of everything I do, and I believe this trust is key to real healing. You are the expert in your own life, and I will never claim to know better. My role is to sit alongside you, listen with empathy, and offer a space where you can explore your emotions, thoughts, and experiences freely.

Counselling with me is about finding what works best for you. For some, that means face-to-face conversations in a traditional setting. For others, the idea of sitting opposite a therapist may feel too intense. That’s why I offer creative, non-traditional methods to explore your inner world. Whether through art, fairy tales, sand trays, collages, or walking in nature, I tailor the process to meet your needs.

HOW IT CAN HELP YOU

Life can often feel like a tangled ball of wool—messy, overwhelming, and difficult to make sense of. In our work together, I’ll help you gently untangle that mess, one thread at a time, allowing you to gain clarity and understanding. There’s no rush; we can take as much time as you need. The focus is on your growth, at your pace.

With over 20 years in emergency services and my own lived experience of trauma, I bring a down-to-earth, empathetic understanding to my practice. I specialise in but am not limited to areas like alcohol addiction, ADHD, personality disorders, CPTSD, PTSD, domestic violence, anger, low self-esteem, trauma, relationships, anxiety, and supporting survivors of sexual abuse. My personal and professional experiences enable me to support you in ways that truly resonate, helping you break free from patterns that have been holding you back.

IIn our sessions, we’ll work together to:

• Manage Difficult Emotions:

  • Identify and understand overwhelming feelings like anxiety, anger, sadness, and shame.

  • Develop coping strategies to navigate these emotions effectively.

  • Explore triggers and patterns related to your emotional experiences.

  • Learn techniques to express emotions in a healthy way.

• Heal and Improve Relationships:

  • Assess and understand existing relationship dynamics (family, friends, partners).

  • Identify patterns that may be causing conflict or dissatisfaction.

  • Develop healthier communication skills to express needs and feelings.

  • Work on setting boundaries to foster mutual respect and understanding.

  • Explore forgiveness and healing past wounds that impact current relationships.

• Support Couples:

  • Navigate conflicts and misunderstandings that arise in the relationship.

  • Enhance communication skills to foster open and honest dialogue.

  • Explore individual needs and desires within the relationship.

  • Work together to rebuild trust and intimacy after breaches.

  • Develop strategies to support each other during challenging times.

  • Identify and address underlying issues that may be affecting the partnership.

• Boost Self-Esteem and Confidence:

  • Challenge negative self-beliefs and self-talk.

  • Recognise and celebrate your strengths and achievements.

  • Build a positive self-image and develop self-compassion.

  • Practice assertiveness to communicate your needs and desires confidently.

  • Create personalised affirmations to reinforce your self-worth.

• Find Balance and Joy in Life:

  • Identify sources of stress and overwhelm in your life.

  • Explore self-care practices to nourish your well-being.

  • Develop routines that promote balance and structure.

  • Discover hobbies and activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

  • Integrate mindfulness and relaxation techniques to cultivate inner peace.

• Process Trauma and Past Events:

  • Create a safe space to explore and process traumatic experiences.

  • Understand how past events shape current thoughts and behaviors.

  • Work through feelings of guilt, shame, or blame related to trauma.

  • Develop strategies to cope with flashbacks or intrusive memories.

  • Foster healing through storytelling and reflection on your experiences.

• Explore Personal Growth:

  • Set achievable goals for personal development and growth.

  • Reflect on past experiences to gain insight and understanding.

  • Create a vision for the future that aligns with your values and desires.

  • Cultivate resilience and adaptability to face life’s challenges.

  • Embrace the journey of self-discovery and transformation.

• Navigate Life Transitions:

  • Address feelings of uncertainty during major life changes (e.g., career shifts, relationship changes).

  • Explore strategies to cope with grief, loss, or major life adjustments.

  • Support you in finding clarity and direction in uncertain times.

  • Develop a plan for moving forward and embracing new opportunities.

• Enhance Coping Skills:

  • Equip you with tools and techniques to manage stress and anxiety.

  • Teach problem-solving skills to tackle everyday challenges.

  • Encourage healthy lifestyle changes that support emotional well-being.

  • Foster resilience to bounce back from setbacks and adversity.

• Utilise Creative Approaches:

  • Incorporate art, journaling, or other creative methods to express thoughts and feelings.

  • Explore nature-based therapies to enhance connection and healing.

  • Use metaphorical tools (e.g., sand trays, fairy tales) to explore complex emotions.

  • Create a therapeutic environment that feels safe and engaging.

• Support Young People and Children:

  • Provide a safe and welcoming space for children and teens to express their feelings.

  • Use age-appropriate language and activities to help them articulate their emotions.

  • Explore family dynamics and friendships to enhance social skills and relationships.

  • Address challenges related to school, peers, or transitions (e.g., moving schools, puberty).

  • Encourage self-expression through creative activities like art, play, or storytelling.

  • Help them build resilience and coping strategies to navigate life’s challenges.

    Ultimately, my goal is to create the right conditions for you to experience growth, healing, and transformation. Whether that involves creative tools, deep emotional work, or simply a space where you feel safe to be yourself, together we’ll embark on a journey toward resilience, self-discovery, and lasting positive change.

Attached?

Louise Talks Life.

Whats your Attachment style?

Let’s Untangle Your Relationship Patterns (and Have a Laugh While We’re At It)

Ever felt like your relationships are on repeat? The same worries, the same arguments, the same heartbreak? Maybe you’ve wondered, Is it me? Is it them? Is it... both of us? If so, you’re not alone.

Let’s talk about attachment styles—those sneaky, subconscious scripts we all follow in relationships. These styles, formed in childhood (thanks, caregivers), shape how we connect with others. And the kicker? They can show up everywhere—from your love life to your friendships, even at work.

But here’s the good news: you don’t have to stay stuck. Therapy (yes, even the creative kind I offer) can help you untangle the knots, find clarity, and start connecting in healthier, happier ways.

What Are Attachment Styles Anyway?

In a nutshell, attachment styles are like your emotional autopilot in relationships. There are four main types:

1. Secure – You’re balanced, grounded, and generally a relationship Jedi.

2. Avoidant – You’re the cool customer who doesn’t need anyone (or so you tell yourself).

3. Anxious – You crave connection but constantly worry it’ll disappear.

4. Disorganised – You want love but fear it, making relationships feel like emotional whiplash.

And while these styles might sound like personality quirks, they’re deeply rooted in your early experiences. Basically, your attachment style is like a love language... but for your nervous system.

A Quick Peek at the Styles

Secure: The Gold Standard

• What it feels like: “I’m good. You’re good. We’re good.”

• The struggle: Let’s be honest—you’re probably not here reading this. But if you are, maybe you’re wondering how to help loved ones stuck in less secure patterns.

Avoidant: The Lone Wolf

• What it feels like: “Feelings? No thanks. I’m fine on my own.”

• How it shows up: You hate clinginess, but deep down, intimacy feels... terrifying.

• How therapy can help: We’d explore what you’re running from. Maybe we’ll even get creative—like sketching out the “emotional walls” you’ve built. (Spoiler alert: they’re probably not as protective as you think.)

Anxious: The Overthinker

• What it feels like: “Why didn’t they text back? Are they mad? Did I do something wrong?”

• How it shows up: You might cling, over-apologise, or spiral when you sense distance.

• How therapy can help: Together, we’ll work on quieting that inner critic and building your confidence. Maybe we’ll use storytelling to reframe those old narratives of “I’m not enough.”

Disorganised: The Wild Card

• What it feels like: “Come closer... no, wait, go away!”

• How it shows up: Relationships feel chaotic, and trust is a minefield.

• How therapy can help: This is where we dig deep, unpacking past trauma and creating new, stable foundations. And hey, if words feel too much, we can use sand trays, art, or metaphors to gently explore those tricky feelings.

How I Found My Attachment Style (and Why It Blew My Mind)

Here’s where it gets personal. When I first learned about attachment styles, it was like someone handed me the instruction manual for my emotional life. Suddenly, I understood why certain relationships felt so hard and why I kept repeating the same patterns.

And the best part? Therapy didn’t just help me see the patterns—it gave me the tools to change them.

That’s why I’m so passionate about using creative approaches in my counselling. Whether we’re doodling, walking through the woods, or sipping hot chocolate while we chat, I want therapy to feel safe, approachable, and tailored to you.

How Attachment Affects Your Life (Yes, Even Outside Relationships)

Attachment styles don’t just stop at your love life. They can seep into everything:

• Friendships: Struggling to trust? Overgiving to feel accepted? That’s attachment at play.

• Work: Avoiding collaboration or obsessing over feedback? Yep, attachment again.

• Parenting: Wondering if you’re overprotective or distant? Guess what... attachment!

The first step to change is awareness. Once you see how these patterns show up, you can start to shift them.

5 Practical Tips for Untangling Attachment Struggles

1. Get Curious
   Start by noticing your triggers. Does distance freak you out? Does closeness make you itchy? Jot it down—awareness is half the battle.

2. Reframe the Story
   Those old beliefs like “I’m unlovable” or “People always let me down”? They’re not facts; they’re stories. In therapy, we can rewrite them together.

3. Build Your Tribe
   Surround yourself with people who are secure, supportive, and kind. They’ll help you practice healthy connection.

4. Set Boundaries (and Stick to Them)
   Whether you’re too clingy or too distant, boundaries create balance. And they’re a game-changer for self-respect.

5. Seek Therapy
   Honestly, working with a counsellor who gets it can be life-changing. We’ll explore your patterns, heal past wounds, and build healthier ways of connecting.

Ready to Break the Cycle?

You’re not doomed by your attachment style—it’s just a starting point. With the right support, you can shift from chaos to calm, fear to confidence, disconnection to deep, fulfilling relationships.

So if you’re ready to explore your attachment style—and maybe laugh, cry, or get a little creative along the way—reach out. I’d love to help.

Drop me an email at louisemalyancounselling@gmail.com or visit www.wildfirecounsellingtherapy.co.uk. Let’s untangle those patterns and rewrite your story—together.

Until next time,
Louise

Welcome!

Louise Talks Life

Welcome to Louise Talks Life!

Hi, I’m Louise, and I’m so glad you’ve stumbled across my little corner of the internet. Whether you’re here out of curiosity, desperation, or procrastination (no judgment—I've been there), welcome! I’m a counsellor based in the lovely countryside of Brenchley, where I help people untangle the messy bits of life in my cosy therapy hub, Wildfire Counselling & Therapy.

I offer a unique blend of counselling approaches that includes traditional talking therapy, creative interventions, and sometimes a bit of fresh air with my walk-and-talk sessions. Let’s face it, sometimes words alone just don’t cut it—especially when you're trying to unpack years of trauma, unhelpful patterns, or the dreaded "What am I doing with my life?" spiral.

So, Who Do I Help?

I work with people who are feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or just plain fed up. Maybe you're battling past trauma, struggling with low self-esteem, or trying to mend a relationship that feels like it’s held together by duct tape and hope. Or perhaps you’re dealing with ADHD, anxiety, addiction, or a combination of it all and don’t know where to start. Don’t worry—you’re not alone, and I get it.

With 20 years of experience in emergency services, my own personal journey through trauma, and now as a grounded, sober counsellor, I’ve walked a few tough paths myself. That’s why I’m passionate about offering a space that’s safe, supportive, and free of judgment—whether we’re in the therapy room or wandering around the fields of my seven-acre smallholding.

What Makes Me Different?

Here’s the thing: I’m not your traditional therapist who sits stiffly in a chair, nodding and repeating, “And how does that make you feel?” (although, let’s be honest, I will ask that sometimes—it’s a classic for a reason). Instead, I mix things up. We might use art, fairy tales, or even a tray of sand to help you express yourself. Because when words fail, there’s always glitter glue and metaphors, right?

Also, coffee and hot chocolate are welcome in my sessions. Therapy can be intense, so why not make it a little more comforting?

Why Louise Talks Life?

Because life is messy, beautiful, unpredictable, and sometimes downright infuriating—and I’m here to help you navigate all of it. Through this blog, I’ll be sharing insights about relationships, attachment styles (hello, disorganised attachment—my old frenemy), creative ways to process emotions, and little nuggets of wisdom I’ve picked up along the way.

Expect a mix of humour, honesty, and hopefully, the occasional “aha!” moment that sticks with you. My goal is to make therapy and self-reflection feel a little less daunting and a lot more human.

Ready to Start Your Journey?

If anything I’ve said resonates with you—or even if you just fancy a chat with someone who gets it—reach out. You can find me at www.wildfirecounsellingtherapy.co.uk or drop me an email at louisemalyancounselling@gmail.com. Let’s figure it out together, one session (and possibly one coffee) at a time.

Until next time,
Louise