Attached?
Louise Talks Life.
Whats your Attachment style?
Let’s Untangle Your Relationship Patterns (and Have a Laugh While We’re At It)
Ever felt like your relationships are on repeat? The same worries, the same arguments, the same heartbreak? Maybe you’ve wondered, Is it me? Is it them? Is it... both of us? If so, you’re not alone.
Let’s talk about attachment styles—those sneaky, subconscious scripts we all follow in relationships. These styles, formed in childhood (thanks, caregivers), shape how we connect with others. And the kicker? They can show up everywhere—from your love life to your friendships, even at work.
But here’s the good news: you don’t have to stay stuck. Therapy (yes, even the creative kind I offer) can help you untangle the knots, find clarity, and start connecting in healthier, happier ways.
What Are Attachment Styles Anyway?
In a nutshell, attachment styles are like your emotional autopilot in relationships. There are four main types:
Secure – You’re balanced, grounded, and generally a relationship Jedi.
Avoidant – You’re the cool customer who doesn’t need anyone (or so you tell yourself).
Anxious – You crave connection but constantly worry it’ll disappear.
Disorganised – You want love but fear it, making relationships feel like emotional whiplash.
And while these styles might sound like personality quirks, they’re deeply rooted in your early experiences. Basically, your attachment style is like a love language... but for your nervous system.
A Quick Peek at the Styles
Secure: The Gold Standard
What it feels like: “I’m good. You’re good. We’re good.”
The struggle: Let’s be honest—you’re probably not here reading this. But if you are, maybe you’re wondering how to help loved ones stuck in less secure patterns.
Avoidant: The Lone Wolf
What it feels like: “Feelings? No thanks. I’m fine on my own.”
How it shows up: You hate clinginess, but deep down, intimacy feels... terrifying.
How therapy can help: We’d explore what you’re running from. Maybe we’ll even get creative—like sketching out the “emotional walls” you’ve built. (Spoiler alert: they’re probably not as protective as you think.)
Anxious: The Overthinker
What it feels like: “Why didn’t they text back? Are they mad? Did I do something wrong?”
How it shows up: You might cling, over-apologise, or spiral when you sense distance.
How therapy can help: Together, we’ll work on quieting that inner critic and building your confidence. Maybe we’ll use storytelling to reframe those old narratives of “I’m not enough.”
Disorganised: The Wild Card
What it feels like: “Come closer... no, wait, go away!”
How it shows up: Relationships feel chaotic, and trust is a minefield.
How therapy can help: This is where we dig deep, unpacking past trauma and creating new, stable foundations. And hey, if words feel too much, we can use sand trays, art, or metaphors to gently explore those tricky feelings.
How I Found My Attachment Style (and Why It Blew My Mind)
Here’s where it gets personal. When I first learned about attachment styles, it was like someone handed me the instruction manual for my emotional life. Suddenly, I understood why certain relationships felt so hard and why I kept repeating the same patterns.
And the best part? Therapy didn’t just help me see the patterns—it gave me the tools to change them.
That’s why I’m so passionate about using creative approaches in my counselling. Whether we’re doodling, walking through the woods, or sipping hot chocolate while we chat, I want therapy to feel safe, approachable, and tailored to you.
How Attachment Affects Your Life (Yes, Even Outside Relationships)
Attachment styles don’t just stop at your love life. They can seep into everything:
Friendships: Struggling to trust? Overgiving to feel accepted? That’s attachment at play.
Work: Avoiding collaboration or obsessing over feedback? Yep, attachment again.
Parenting: Wondering if you’re overprotective or distant? Guess what... attachment!
The first step to change is awareness. Once you see how these patterns show up, you can start to shift them.
5 Practical Tips for Untangling Attachment Struggles
Get Curious
Start by noticing your triggers. Does distance freak you out? Does closeness make you itchy? Jot it down—awareness is half the battle.Reframe the Story
Those old beliefs like “I’m unlovable” or “People always let me down”? They’re not facts; they’re stories. In therapy, we can rewrite them together.Build Your Tribe
Surround yourself with people who are secure, supportive, and kind. They’ll help you practice healthy connection.Set Boundaries (and Stick to Them)
Whether you’re too clingy or too distant, boundaries create balance. And they’re a game-changer for self-respect.Seek Therapy
Honestly, working with a counsellor who gets it can be life-changing. We’ll explore your patterns, heal past wounds, and build healthier ways of connecting.
Ready to Break the Cycle?
You’re not doomed by your attachment style—it’s just a starting point. With the right support, you can shift from chaos to calm, fear to confidence, disconnection to deep, fulfilling relationships.
So if you’re ready to explore your attachment style—and maybe laugh, cry, or get a little creative along the way—reach out. I’d love to help.
Drop me an email at louisemalyancounselling@gmail.com or visit www.wildfirecounsellingtherapy.co.uk. Let’s untangle those patterns and rewrite your story—together.
Until next time,
Louise
